That is not a typo. As of today, I can (not so proudly) say that I’ve reached Level 551 on the most pointless yet entertaining app I’ve downloaded on my phone. *smiles awkwardly*
I started playing after he left. That was five months ago now. Candy Crush was my pacifier (at least on the days that I could be pacified). It was my constant and my escape. I know it sounds silly, but living though such emotional agony will turn you on to the most random of distractions to maintain some sanity – or at least temporary peace. I know I’m late to the Candy Crush party. Whatever.
After playing a few rounds last night, I ran out of lives and had to wait for a certain amount of time to pass before playing again. It made me realize how much time I’ve wasted on this stupid game. What would I have been doing with this time if he hadn’t left? And then I came up with some answers: Loving the wrong person. “Pick-me” dancing with a friend of mine without even knowing. Giving my energy to both him and her which will ultimately be wasted. Those assholes.
I’m not a religious person, but I hope to God that something comes of this. That my “forever” – whatever that looks like – is right on the other side of this mind fuck waiting for me. Then I can finally say, “Ohh that’s why this all happened.”
But I’m afraid that I’m just not that fortunate. #justmyluck was created in a moment of hurt, betrayal and mental exhaustion peppered with sarcasm and dark humor, because my life is truly not that magical. I mean that in the least self-pity way possibly, I promise.
Here’s my advise to anyone going through any kind of shit storm that life conjures up for you: Find your Candy Crush. Get to Level 551 guilt-free. Find your distraction that will allow yourself time to heal. It’s ok. It’s more than ok – It’s necessary. Find your pacifier and milk the shit out of it. You deserve it after all you’ve been through. Don’t deprive yourself of this. You are worth it, and so am I.
Feel free to comment with what helped you cope. If I get enough feedback, I’ll feature your suggestion on my Instagram account.