I married a raging narcissist without realizing at the time. It’s pretty cringeworthy and I should start apologizing to myself for not seeing the very obvious signs in the little moments throughout the years that tuned out to be big red flags. I want to go back in time and give myself a hug. Apparently I needed one to think that he was enough for me. I settled. I let myself believe that he was the one because… well, he let me believe that. Love bombing is real, people, and it leaves you feeling confused as all hell when it’s followed by the discard.
This week he went out of his way to tell me that he changed the Netflix and Hulu passwords… but he would give it to me if I asked for them. What a gentleman right??? Disgusting. I didn’t take the bait. I ignored that text and the one after that. I can’t wait until the mind games are over. I can’t wait to find someone who will treat me better. I can’t wait to just be 100% me instead of worrying about appeasing and entertaining him. How exhausting. I see exactly who he is now, and although it’s hard to admit, he is not a good person. Do I still feel guilty thinking that? Yes. Do I logistically know that it’s the truth? Double yes.
For those of you who are living with or recovering from a narc, please seek therapy. You will be amazed by the insight you’ll gain. D-Day for me was five months ago and I’m finally able to start picking up the pieces now because I no longer have a distorted idea in my head of the man I committed my life to. The truth hurts, but it’ll make you stronger and wiser. I promise.